Care Less

"The only reason to age is to learn to not give a damn." @naval

https://twitter.com/naval/status/1622021490098184192?s=46&t=ychC4z5OzaLk1vacOyrOww

This man's views on life are interesting and somewhat enlightening. Of course, he's very successful, but more than that, he seems to be at peace with himself and his place within the world. 

"The only reason to age is to learn not to give a damn" is a statement that can be interpreted in various ways, depending on the context in which it is applied. The context of this tweet is quite clear, and I am confident that we all understand the intended meaning. But, for fun, I want to explore this idea further and give you my perspective.

I've realized that many of us arrive at this understanding later in life, sometimes too late. As I've grown older, I've begun to grasp that the approval or opinions of others often hold less weight than I initially thought. This principle is something I wish I had embraced earlier in my life, and it's something I've been trying to teach my kids. They are probably tired of hearing it, but I hope one day it sticks. Being overly concerned with what other people think about you is a terrible way to live. These days, I am less concerned with the approval or opinion of most people; instead, I focus on finding peace within myself. No one likes laying in bed with anxiety running through a list of conversations you had during the day.

As we age and gain life experiences, we realize we cannot please everyone and should not try to. We also understand that worrying about what others think of us is often unnecessary. For example, my son doesn't enjoy getting haircuts. It's not the process he dislikes but rather the outcome. He constantly worries about how his hair will be received at school the next day. I understand – we were all probably like that at 14. This fear of judgment and rejection can create stress and anxiety, which I believe limits our ability to care for others or be present in our lives. Unfortunately, it usually takes us a few decades to see how unreasonable this mindset is. Most people genuinely don't care, so why should we?

There are exceptions, such as seeking feedback from those we trust or wanting to improve ourselves. In these situations, we should be selective in choosing whose opinions matter to us. It's essential to have people in our lives who care about us and whose perspectives we value. Caring about the opinions of those close to us is essential if managed well. Good luck maintaining a successful marriage if you do not care about your spouse's thoughts and feelings. The key is to select the right people whose opinions have a meaningful impact on us and to relieve ourselves of the burden of everyone else's. That said, we must have a good level of emotional intelligence. If we get consistent feedback, whether wanted or not, it would be wise of us to pick up any existing patterns. We might not care about what someone thinks, but if others consistently confirm it, we might want to pay attention to it. 

While embracing the "not giving a damn" mindset can be liberating, there is a potential dark side: becoming so sure in our beliefs and opinions that we close the door to alternative perspectives. Maintaining a balance between confidence in our abilities and remaining open to change and growth is crucial. I like to call this the never-ending journey of understanding and wisdom.

I recently navigated a season where I experienced an awakening regarding how much control over my emotions and the mental peace I was giving others. I needed to constantly explain, but it was a losing proposition. Facts didn't matter, and I had no control over perceptions. I let it eat at me for a long time. In the end, it became apparent that it was fruitless and I was only hurting myself and my loved ones. It wasn't worth the space I was giving it in my life. I only had myself to blame; I was giving these things permission to affect me by placing unwarranted value on them.

Ultimately, I chose to prioritize my peace of mind and well-being. My filter has become this: when I am lying in my grave, will I care about this, and will anyone else? Adopting this mindset taught me to focus on what truly matters and let go of the rest. Aging has taught me the invaluable lesson of not caring about the things in life I cannot control, and people are a part of that. Instead, concentrating on what brings me peace and makes me more present for those around me genuinely matters. The lesson here is to learn to let go. By caring less, I am now able to care more.