Encouragement

I read somewhere that by age 16, a person is estimated to receive 173,000 negative messages about themselves (29.6 per day) and only 16,000 positive ones (2.7 per day). While I cannot verify this data or grasp how to track it, let's assume it is close to reality.

As I get older, I realize how rare encouragement can be in our world. How often are you encouraged by someone else? How often do you encourage someone else?

Ultimately, who is responsible for this? I have lived most of my life expecting it from others and not taking ownership of giving it myself. We tend to perceive things from our point of view of what we are or are not getting from others. I say this a lot, but we are all inherently selfish. It is time to make a real effort to flip that. My job is to encourage others, especially those close to me, regardless of how much or little encouragement I get myself.

Like everything in life, multiple truths are usually at play, creating tension. I believe in honesty, and we hurt those closest to us if we are not honest. But we must remember that our honesty may only be our opinion or perspective. In safe relationships, that should be welcomed. But it is equally important to recognize the effectiveness of encouragement. I've read that encouragement can help a person fight through depression, anxiety, and helplessness. Those are three words I do not enjoy experiencing, and I would hate to hear that someone close to me is experiencing them.

Encouragement does not disregard reality. Truth, feedback, and tough love—call it whatever you like—are vital for us all. But in many ways, the world already does a lot of that for us if we are even slightly self-aware. We all have faults; we all fail, and we fail often. Usually, we are the first to realize this. But if that is all the feedback you receive, it can begin to beat you down.

I have realized that to be a better encourager, I need to stop being so engulfed in my world and pay more attention to those around me. Everyone is out for number one, which will never change, but I should actively, on purpose, begin acknowledging the goodness of others and the good things they do, especially those closest to me. There's a good chance they will not get it from anywhere else. If we take a look at depression rates and suicide rates, among others, maybe a little encouragement and less truth (most of the time, an opinion) is what we need more of.

I was recently reminded of this when sharing an idea with someone close to me. The feedback was different from what I expected. It was less centered on the concept itself but more on their expectation (opinion) of what I should or shouldn't be doing, and it was feelings-based. It wasn't so much what was being said; it was where within them it was coming from that took me off guard. It was unfortunate. I finally began to see beyond the conversation and started recognizing a change I wanted to make in my life and within myself. It was to be more encouraging and less opinionated to those around me.

I am naturally critical, which can be good if used correctly, but it shouldn't be the excuse I use to only be critical. Ultimately, I have to become less concerned with myself if I want to be more encouraging to others.