Adam Sandler & Funerals

I've always told my wife that I find funerals unfortunate because, in those settings, all the kind things said about the person who's passed away are done when they're gone. I often wonder if these things were said when the person was alive. As a culture, we do an excellent job of celebrating someone's life after the fact, but do we do that well when they're alive?

Recently, I saw that Adam Sandler won the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. Honestly, I had no idea this award existed until this year, but now I do, thanks to YouTube. What I loved most about what I saw was how he was celebrated by those closest to him; one by one, they expressed their love and gratitude to him, celebrating his accomplishments, but more so what he's meant to them individually. He could leave that evening knowing the impact he's made on those around him.

Side note; Adam, I'd personally like to thank you for how you dress. You and I are the same in our approach to fashion. Hoodie and basketball shorts is king and to hell with what anyone thinks.

Back to my point, this isn't about ego or living life needing praise from others; that's different. This is about creating environments and moments to say the things we generally wish we would have said or known before it's too late, regardless of which side of the grave you are on. Life gets busy; we move from moment to moment, day to day, usually in a manner that doesn't leave space to show love and gratitude to those in our lives. I don't want the most meaningful thing I say to my friends or family to be when they can no longer hear it. That makes no sense to me, yet that's probably how most of us live.

Relationships bring life meaning, but from my perspective, we don't always value our relationships well in the moment. We take them for granted. We love to use the word honor, but how often do we honor one another? We're all very selfish, myself included, and generally speaking, we have a hard time not making things about ourselves. Human nature is "what's in it for me." And that's how we approach relationships. 

I'm thankful for my wife, who implemented "family love night" as a family tradition. This is our way of ensuring we create a moment to place value on one another, and say the most meaningful things we can that are sincere. We go around the table and specifically share how much we mean to one another and the many characteristics we love. I can honestly say this doesn't happen much outside of my immediate family and a small circle of friendships. This takes the place of "Valentine's Day". We've never left this moment upset or wondering what each of us means to one another. It's impossible to.

My goal is to live life in a way that I am bold enough, secure enough, and selfless enough to say what I want to say while I have the chance to. Tomorrow isn't promised; you never know. We now have the technology and tools to celebrate those around us that mean something to us on a much grander scale. Not just in private, intimate moments, which are most meaningful, but even publicly, because my best guess would be they'd appreciate it more than we know, as long as it is sincere. Sincerity in these moments is most important because if it's not, it cheapens everything we believe about that relationship, but I'll unpack that another time.

So, let's challenge ourselves to consciously show appreciation, love, and gratitude to those around us more often. Let's create moments to celebrate each other, not just when someone has achieved something or on special occasions, but simply because they matter to us. We don't have to wait for a funeral to express our feelings or to let people know how much they mean to us.

Remember, it's not about stroking someone's ego or seeking validation; it's about genuinely connecting with one another and strengthening our relationships. It's about ensuring that those we care about know they are loved and valued while still with us. This is a choice that we can all make. 

In doing so, we'll not only strengthen our relationships and enrich our lives, but we'll also leave a lasting impact on those around us, creating a culture of love and appreciation within our circle of relationships. Would those around you appreciate knowing the value you place on them? Would understanding the value you bring to relationships make your life more or less meaningful? The answer is obvious.