Memories Fade

Last night, Lynn and I were hanging out on our back porch enjoying one of those perfect Colorado summer nights - cool breeze, and a perfect sunset over the Rocky Mountains, just awesome. We were chatting about the early days of our relationship, trying to put together the pieces for the introduction of our book. This process has been more challenging than we assumed it would be.

We were diving deep into our memories, and let me tell you, things got complicated. It was like we were working together doing a puzzle, yet we couldn't seem to make sense of all the pieces, and honestly, we were not even sure if all the pieces were there. Our memories were all over the place, some of them easily assessable, some hidden away as though they never happened, and some were, at best, fuzzy. In some ways, we struggled through our unique understanding of certain events because we each had a different take on many of these moments. In other ways, we each placed much different value on moments we felt were significant.

It was thoroughly enjoyable though, going over all the good times we shared and being open to how we felt during those times, from "I think I have interest" to when we said, "I do until the Cubs win the World Series." But equally, it was kinda sad and frustrating how some memories seem to vanish like they've been sucked into a black hole in our minds. They happened but leave no trace of existence. 

Why can some of life's most precious and meaningful memories feel lost and forgotten? I mean, I was there for them!! At some points, it felt like we were talking about two other people and their experiences, not our own. It shows you how difficult it can be to truly understand the past, your thoughts, your feelings, your reality.

We are determined that this book will be true to who we are and the story of our relationship. We're digging deep to stitch together the beginnings of our 20-year-long love story. We're hoping we find those missing puzzle pieces that seem elusive today. 

When we started dating, cell phones were not what they are today. Her and I were rockin' the Nextels, beep, beep. There were no pictures or videos, just the two-way walkie-talkie. So, our first date? It's only in the vast ocean of memories. There are no photos. Nothing. This process would probably be much simpler with all these moments fully documented through our iPhones. 

Yet, here we are, diving into these allusive memories, hoping to remember with clarity. The early days were so special to us, and it feels great to relive them. I'm just shocked at how much can be so easily forgotten. And because of that, here is what I've learned:

1. Live in the moment and make cool memories. You can only remember the moments you create. 

2. Talk with your spouse about the good things in your past. Reflecting together can trigger memories the other person may have forgotten, and that's a good thing. 

3. Document your thoughts, feelings, and overall perspective. You may want or need to remember them one day.

That's what we are doing, which is why this process is so important and personal. Because it's our story, and only we can accurately tell it.