The Choice Of Meaning

Picture this: It's late May, and you and your entire family are boarding a flight from JFK to Paris, embarking on a two-week European vacation. Would you prefer your pilot on this flight to be highly trained, skilled, and very professional as you board, but secretly dream of being a chef with a deep passion for the culinary arts? Or would you opt for a less trained and experienced pilot who is visibly passionate about aviation, even if it sometimes comes at the expense of professionalism?

This thought experiment isn't just a quirky question for you to consider. It's a gateway to a deeper, more personal exploration of the most basic but elusive and subjective question many of us ask ourselves: What is the meaning of life?

Let me reframe it more simply: What is the meaning of [insert any aspect of life here]? My conclusion is that the meaning of something is whatever meaning I personally choose to give it.

As I've gotten older, I've moved away from the endless search for the purpose of life, my life, especially one that seeks validation or approval from someone else. I've recognized that I've rarely found encouragement in things that cannot be directly attributed to serving someone else's interest.

Let's focus on one aspect of our lives to illustrate my point: our jobs. This isn't about work per se but the power we hold in defining the meaning of our work. I wonder, do we determine its meaning based on our own values and experiences or what others expect from us?

This question comes from a simple yet significant realization: Many carry the expectation to find deep, intrinsic meaning in our jobs or other areas of our lives simply because someone else expects us to.

I remember stumbling upon a conversation in an office where a boss was discussing the importance of being 'passionate about insurance' with an employee. I found it somewhat funny in context.

With no disrespect to the insurance industry or the profession itself, but how many kids grow up dreaming of becoming successful in the insurance business, deeply passionate about the meaning insurance has in their lives and others? My guess is very few.

My worldview is that we humans are more than one thing. We all have interests, passions, and dreams that lie outside the context of our job titles. Yet, as we age we often forget this about ourselves and others. This is no longer acceptable to me.

Recent studies on job satisfaction echo this sentiment, showing that most people do not find their sole passion in their work. Yet, we are often pressured to seek fulfillment solely within it, judged by our level of passion, creating a significant disconnect in our soul between what is expected and what we feel.

I often think of the simplicity of the existence of hunters and gatherers whose purpose was straightforward – to provide and survive. Did their lives or work have any less meaning than ours when, for them, provision was the sole purpose of their work? So I ask, if providing for our families is the primary purpose of our work, isn't that in itself deeply meaningful? Yet, we often let others impose their expectations of further meaning on us, leading to confusion and an emptiness in our own sense of meaning and identity.

While living in New York City, I'd often see cleaning crews working late at night, preparing office buildings for the next workday. Many of these workers are middle-aged women, usually immigrants, working tirelessly well into the late evening and early morning. Though not glamorous or important by market standards, their work carries immense personal significance. It's not about the job's prestige but what the job, the work, means to them – a means of survival, a means of providing for their families. I highly doubt the function of the work itself is what many of these workers would deem as one of passion.

But again, like the hunters and gatherers, it's significant to them and, in turn, should be extremely meaningful. Let me pose a question: Do you think the company that has hired these workers is overly concerned about the passion these individuals have, or are they more concerned about the quality of the service? These two things do not need to be related.

This brings me to a very personal and essential realization for my own life: I value professionalism and discipline in a job. In my own life and that of others, passion is often an entirely different discussion, sometimes within the context of one's career, other times not so much. In fact, another person's passion should solely be determined by them, and in most scenarios, it is not my business. What is deemed meaningful in our lives, and in this scenario, also our work, is a personal choice.

After more than forty years of life, this has become my perspective. We're all on unique journeys to find meaning in our lives, and meaning and passion do not have to depend on one another. I hope you are inspired to embrace your path to meaning and fulfillment while not minimizing the importance of providing and surviving.

If you find deeper meaning in your work beyond providing and surviving, that's wonderful. If not, there is already significant meaning to be found in just those things alone. The critical piece of this is that the origin and significance of that meaning should be determined by you and me, not by someone else.

There are many aspects of my job that I find meaningful, not because I'm told to, but because I choose to. But I also have many passions outside of my job, and I've decided to place meaning in different things than I did just a few years ago. Writing, for instance, has become meaningful to me, not for monetary gain, but for the joy and mental peace it brings me. Meaning doesn't have to be about money, recognition, or accolades; those are external validations determined by others, giving away authority of the meaning you place on it.

So, about our pilots taking us to Paris: My answer is simple: passion has little to do with my expectations and, frankly, can be detrimental if it is at the expense of performance. Whether these pilots chose this profession to provide for their families, find meaning and purpose outside of this in other aspects of their lives, or whether their passion is in aviation, their performance and professionalism are what is most important to me, the customer. I should place no expectation on them other than the qualifications and professionalism expected.

How you assign meaning to your life is your choice. Don't let it be dictated by others. This isn't just about work; it's about life choices and who gets to make them in all areas of your life. Remember, if someone else imposes their definition of meaning on you, it's likely for their benefit, not yours.