Matching Freckles

From our upcoming book, Matching Freckles. Rough draft from a section in our introduction.

I find mystery a fascinating word. I love the unknown, the secretive, the unexplainable, and the allusiveness this word represents. It's the hidden thread in the story of our lives, woven into every choice, moment, and interaction we have. The universe itself is shrouded in mystery. It's a word so rich with tension and wonder that it invites us to reflect with curiosity.

Have you ever stopped to consider those tiny specks placed all over your body, each a unique pattern, a blend of genetics and the environment; those body tattoos we call freckles. I'd assume for most, the answer would be no; it's not something many of us consider important or pay much attention to. But on one particular night, that changed for Lynn and me. To our surprise, we discovered our bodies had matching freckles. What were the odds that we'd share this unique marking in identical places in a world of infinite possibilities? Well, I'll tell you. It's possible but highly improbable. 

The chances of two people having matching freckles in a specific area of their bodies are astronomically low. But isn't that just like finding 'the one'? While it's nearly impossible to quantify these odds due to the vast number of variables and personal choices involved, the decision for two specific people to marry can be seen as a rare alignment of circumstances, preferences, and decisions, much like the rare coincidence of matching freckles. In a world of billions of people, the chance of meeting and choosing someone who gets you is pretty wild or mysterious. Just as every freckle pattern is unique, so is each couple's journey to marriage.

This made me reflect on the mystery of life and relationships; was Lynn and I's relationship one of chance or choice? Or maybe, was it more a convergence of the two, the conclusion considered by Forrest Gump while standing next to Jenny's grave, "maybe both are happening at the same time?" Consider the illusion of endless possibilities we all have when choosing a spouse. Marriage is a mutual decision. Both individuals must choose each other from among all their potential partners, which adds another layer of improbability. 

We are all aware of the failures of marriage relationships around us. We know the odds of success hover around 50%. But, like everything in life, it is all about perspective. As we progress throughout our time together, I want to present a case of hope for a healthy marriage while not ignoring the real challenges we all face. We will explore various topics, and while not all will receive the same level of attention, each will be presented in a way that cultivates a constructive perspective. One that emphasizes finding hope in any situation we encounter. We'll explore how various challenges might test the notion of our unique connection, regardless of destiny or choice. Most importantly, we'll emphasize that we can shape our own outcomes. Our hope does not need to be passive, reliant on chance or external factors, but can be active, based on our choices and influences. 

We can expect positive outcomes, an optimistic outlook that persists even in difficult situations, and a hope of health based on preparation and effort, which involves taking proactive steps, setting goals, and working diligently towards them. This hope is significantly influenced by one's own actions. Understanding this is crucial in relationships, where a proactive, effort-based approach can lead to more meaningful and lasting connections.

"You don't have to turn this into something. It doesn't have to upset you. Things can't shape our decisions by themselves." - Meditations- Marcus Aurelius.  

Many of the challenges we face in marriage can be considered just "things." Things that can be worked on and worked through. We should make a real effort not to turn things into more than they need to be. This can help ensure the trajectory moves in a positive, healthy direction. Relationships require effort. The most meaningful aspects of life often do. But the beautiful truth is this - whether by chance or deliberate choice, we must find ourselves drawn back and tethered to our matching freckles. This unique connection and exclusive bond that we share with our spouse and the commitment we made to one another to do so.  

As seasons change, passion may ebb and flow, yet these transitions offer an opportunity to deepen our connections. Communication does not have to be something we struggle through. Contrary to what many believe, even healthy couples argue, but the key lies in arguing fairly. Parenthood undoubtedly changes a marriage, introducing new challenges and some of life's most difficult. Yet, it can also be the most rewarding. It's crucial to always nurture openness, honesty, kindness, and respect in our relationships. Each of these elements plays a vital role in shaping the direction and quality of our marriage, influencing it in countless ways.

For Lynn and me, matching freckles symbolize our unique bond, a blend of destiny and choice. But we believe our relationship's true essence and health lie in the choices we've made along the way. The decision to say hello for the first time, share a friendship, open up about dreams, go on a first date, have a first kiss, say I do, and continue choosing each other daily embodies a commitment to embrace each other's unique patterns. 

'Matching Freckles' symbolizes what you always return to in your relationship—your home base. As you journey together, hand in hand, remember the freckles you share. They're a testament to your unique journey, a sign that you've chosen the one you want to share your life within this vast, unpredictable world. 

What is your version of 'Matching Freckles'? We cannot explain the rare connection of our relationship or the destiny of that day holding my luggage in the New Orleans Airport, but we can explain the choices we've made each day since.