What Are You Sure About?

We all have doubts and consider the different realities of what our lives might have been: what if. I love this scene in the movie "The Family Man." It is one of those movies and scenes that is more complex than given credit. It reflects real life well and presents two of life's most significant tensions: what is and what could have been. We all wonder "what if" - maybe with regret, maybe with general curiosity, or perhaps both.

I often wonder what if. What if I had joined the CIA or FBI like I always intended to do? What if I had played golf at a younger age? Would I be better now? What if I had moved out of state after high school instead of waiting until my 30s? What if I would have started my own business? 

I can go through a long list of what-ifs, and it's helpful because it helps me continue to dream. But when I go through this list, the good news is that it's not out of regret in most cases. One reason for that is the question: what are you sure about? 

When I go through my what-ifs, I always come back to the fact that the things I care about the most, value the most, and am sure about the most are those I would not want to change. Would I have loved to have worked at the CIA, FBI, or NASA or started my own business? Yes, but there's a good chance that many great things about my life now - my job, my wife, and my kids - would have been significantly impacted or would cease to exist for this "other life."

This is why I believe in knowing your values, the things you are sure about. Knowing these helps you keep things in proper perspective when you wander into the world of what if. I enjoy the what-if world, but I am grounded by the things I am sure about. Many of my friends, and now my wife, are in this middle-aged space. And this re-evaluation of life seems more prevalent and intense—as it should be. But it can also be an endless cycle of unanswerable questions. 

What are you sure about? It's essential to know the answer to that question. I call them your life values. They will help you make the right decisions, avoiding the wrong ones, whether in curiosity, pain, or confusion. It also enables you to keep regret at bay. We only get one life, and there are only so many choices you can make and directions your life can go. Knowing this answer is crucial.