What is Life?

Do you often ask yourself this question, or is it just me?

Let's talk about Forrest Gump for a minute. Among other things, he danced with Elvis, played football at Alabama, fought in Vietnam, was a ping pong champ, lost his best friend, started the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co., ran across the country, lost his momma, had his best friend Jenny run out of his life twice. He became a father to "little Forrest," proceeded to marry Jenny, and soon after lost her again, but this time permanently. That is a lot of "life" to consider in one moment.

I love movies, and while Forrest Gump may not crack my top twenty list, the scene below is within the top twenty moments of any film I've seen. It pulls me in because the scene is dramatic, sad, and a reflection of the reality of human life. It recaps, not specifically, but in its meaning, the ups and downs of his life over multiple moments, seasons, and relationships. It creates tension of past, present, and future, a Quantum Leap moment, where am I and how did I get here, with a conclusion of embracing the mystery of it all, not knowing the answer.

Underneath their favorite tree, filled with sadness, Forrest Gump utters these words;

"I don't know if it was momma who was right, or Lieutenant Dan, I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we are all just floating accidental like on a breeze. But I think, maybe it's both, maybe both are happening at the same time."

As he stands there and reflects on the loss of his wife and best friend, he's working through the tension and conflict of what he believes might be true: we have a destiny, but things also feel as though they happen randomly, without a larger context or purpose and could be meaningless. And "both are happening at the same time." In simple terms, he is reflecting, trying to make sense of it all in a moment of loss and mourning. What is life?

More than I'd like to admit, I walk around and at times blurt out, in my best Forrest Gump voice, "I don't know if it was Momma who was right." I do this when I feel a bit lost, confused, or wonder what the hell is going on and what this moment has to do with anything. It is usually in moments that seem meaningless, aimless, random, or insignificant, yet somehow, they've required some, or a lot of, my mental and emotional energy. Does this matter?

"Lately, when I start the phrase "I don't know if it was Momma who was right," my daughter Ava immediately begins to speak along with me in her best Forrest Gump voice, often with incorrect timing. Despite this, I love it."

What I love about this scene is the tension it creates between what we might feel are equal truths in our lives. I believe there is truth; usually, there is a more profound truth if we look for it. Time and perspective, or seasons, separate these truths, and all are understood through moments of reflection.

I can relate to the feeling of "both are happening at the same time." Every few days, I wake up and feel a sense of "destiny." I believe in some aspects of destiny, but if I'm honest, most days I wake up and feel as though I am living out Lt. Dan's perspective, where it is just another day, "just floating around accidentally like on a breeze."

In life, I usually know what I want and who I want to be, but it sometimes needs to be clarified how to get there, if I am on the right path, or if there is even a path. And, really, do the choices I make or the things that just happen matter? I am unsure of an ultimate destination or "destiny" in real time. If so, that might mean we have stopped living and stopped choosing.

The last few years have been very unique in many ways. As I grow older, I realize there is a lot of value in looking back and reflecting on our past. It is how we got to our present. I feel that the first step to maybe having an answer to "what life is" is to reflect. Many days and weeks can go by and feel random, sometimes meaningless. We go through them and remember the peaks and valleys. But, when viewed with the perspective of time gone by, we can see the summation of the choices we've made or perceived random meaningless moments and realize how we've gotten to be where we are. We can begin to see meaning in what might have seemed meaningless in a moment or season if we choose to do so. This can be good or not.

In my younger days, I tended to look only forward to the things I wanted to do and the kind of person I wanted to be. I still do this, and it's good, but ultimately, I've learned that giving too much energy and time to things that have yet to exist and might not ever become futile. What you've done in the past matters. What you are doing now matters. The idea of "now" is complicated enough to consider if you go there. It is popular to say,

"Let go of the past and look to the future," in many instances, I agree, but not understanding or acknowledging your past disregards any worldview of sowing and reaping or the consequences of your choices, whether good or bad. There is a reason why our today looks the way it does. Our past, if done well, will influence our future.

I like to look back and consider the many things I've done to ensure that I always make decisions based on what I value the most. At the same time, leaving room for some unexplainable mystery or grace of how and why today is what it is. Both can be true at the same time. I think making purposeful choices where you can help refine your "what is life" answer.

Our physical health is a good example. My perspective on working out has changed with time. When I was younger, I wanted to work out to "get big." That was the destination. Unfortunately, I didn't have the discipline to do so, so for the most part, genetics won, and I was just skinny. I was slim because of two things: I didn't have the discipline to lift weights consistently, and secondly, my genetic makeup is such that I am inherently skinny. And now, so are my kids. It was about my choices, or lack thereof, along with things I couldn't control, my genetics. Both were true.

Now, it has become less about a specific outcome to "get big" but more of a long view to value my health and the choices of daily disciplines to get there. I deal with knee issues, back issues, shoulder issues, and a few others. I can't do much about that; it is what it is. The wind blew, and I was floating around in it. But I can control my daily choices to still do what I can given the hand I've been dealt.

Circumstances surrounding this were impacted in 2020 by more than six months of gym closures. We lived in New York then, so weightlifting was not an option. I couldn't control that, but I still had control overvaluing my health and choosing other ways to stay healthy. So, I ran—not across the country like Forrest, but around my neighborhood. It killed my knees. I hated it, but I did it anyway.

The goal is simple now: I want to have a say, a choice in the type of future I might have. I want to live the rest of my life with the ability to do things I enjoy - hike, ski, bike, play golf, and one day pick up a grandchild. So now, it is about deciding to pursue what I value. I win by showing up. Yesterday's choice will impact tomorrow's. If I am fortunate enough to live a long time, these past decisions will enable me to do the abovementioned things.

We all have a choice in how we live the moments we have, how we view and value those moments, and, most importantly, who we are and who we are becoming. Circumstances constantly change—the wind blows. Some we control, many we do not. But we do control our choices, even if we do not like the choices we always have.

We must stay true to what we value in our lives, constantly choosing the right things and not getting caught up in circumstances beyond our control. The "breeze" will blow us around.

In some ways, 2022 might have been one of my hardest years around many things—some I had control over, some I did not. But I've learned to expect that. The most important thing I took from last year was always to have a bigger perspective by using the information from the many moments over time, the past. Reflection is my friend; it brings proper perspective of what is now. I am who I am, and other people are who they are.

We've made thousands of choices to get to this moment. If you just pay attention, people show you every day who they are by the way they act. I learned to let go of feeling responsible for things I was not given responsibility for. There are some things I cannot change, and it is not worth trying. Peace in my soul matters. It is a value above most if not all.

Regardless of circumstances, how the wind blows, what do you value the most? Have you thought about these values? Can you articulate them? How do these change when you move in and out of different life seasons and relationships? Should they change?

I value making memories with my family. I value respect. I value independence. I value ideas. I value purpose. I value empathy. I value kindness. I value meaningful communication. I value physical, mental, and spiritual health. I value working efficiently, only doing things that serve a real purpose. I value learning. I value team and team players. I value meaningful friendships. I value freedom. I value loyalty. I value peace of mind when I lie down at night.

What is life? I don't know. But I do recognize moments more quickly now that are meaningless and not worth my time or energy. Those moments serve as friendly reminders to get back engaged with things that matter the most - the things I truly value. So, the answer is life is what you choose for it to be, and it can look different for us all. It is the summation of our choices and the summation of a bunch of accidental, somewhat random moments. Both can be true and may be happening at the same time. Some of us have been dealt some good hands, others have not. Some of us make good choices, some of us do not.